Shortening sentences

One of the most reoccurring problems for writers is that we want to be colorful with our words. We like thinking about each sentence, adding descriptive words and sometimes words that the reader may need a dictionary for. However, we forget that it’s not just about the words, but also about the sentence structure. So my question is:

What are the unnecessary words that pop up in our writing that we can get rid off?

Here are some examples of what I mean:


I want to fall in love with a man who is honest.

unnecessary words (in this case wrong wording): a man who is honest.

New sentence: I want to fall in love with an honest man. 


Mike reached out with his hand for his iPad.

Unnecessary words: with his hand (we know that he’s reaching out with his hand. What else can he use?)

New sentence: Mike reached out for his iPad.


Leon got the job in spite of the fact that he was way too early for the interview.

Unnecessary words: in spite of the fact that (Technically you can use it but it’s wordy)

New sentence: Leon got the job although he was way too early for the interview.


That’s your personal opinion.

Unnecessary words: personal (‘your’ is already personal)

New sentence: That’s your opinion.


Mike nodded his head at Brigitte for saying the right thing.

Unnecessary words: his head. (know the definition. You can only nod your head.)

New sentence: Mike nodded at Brigitte for saying the right thing. 


I will set my alarm for 3 A.M. in the morning so we won’t miss the train.

Unnecessary words: in the morning (A.M. means morning)

New sentence: I will set my alarm for 3 A.M. so we won’t miss the train.


Each and everyone of you are invited to my game party this Friday at 8 P.M. 

Unnecessary words: and everyone (self explanatory)

New sentence: Each of you are invited to my game party this Friday at 8 P.M.


The end result of this argument is that you’re grounded young lady.

Unnecessary words: end (result is an ending to something already)

New sentence: The result of this argument is that you’re grounded young lady.


I hope that this was helpful.

Do you have examples of other unnecessary words?

Cheetah: Adorable Cat

Cheetah is my beautiful 14 year old kitty. I got her as a kitten and I remember that she was able to be on the palm of my hand. I love her loads!

IMG_4178 She stole my favorite blanket for two hours and I couldn’t go to bed until she let it go. ^_^

IMG_3297

She loves playing with bags!

Book Cover Contest!

Hey Everyone!

Please pass this on and re-blog if able.

For my novella, I am looking to have a fantastic eye-catching book cover… so I decided to create a contest. If you are interested in participating, please leave a comment and or send me a message. That way I will know if there will be any entries. I have a back up plan if no one enters so it’s all good, the novella will still be published and available for your reading pleasure.

Here are the rules:

  1. Needs to be turned in by July 10.
  2. Book Cover needs to have:
    1. A Title: Seven Hours
    2. A subtitle: A novella
    3. Author’s name: Angelina Kerner
    4. Illustrator’s name: Your name
    5. A back Cover:
      1. With this text: One pill every 7 hours, could give Chanel the chance to finally see the world around her. Chanel is a independent nineteen year old, despite what her overprotective mother and senator father may think. Being the daughter of a senator comes with it’s own problems, a simple afternoon out with friends soon becomes overwhelming when reporters swarm around Chanel.Keeping her secret of the effects pills close to her chest she is able to fool everyone, expect  for her hawk eye bodyguard that has now been assigned to protect her.Chanel doesn’t want a bodyguard, but will she get more than she bargained for?
      2. Room for quotes from editor, book bloggers which will be added at a later time.
    6. Please portray 4 characters
      1. Chanel: 19 year old girl. She has short blonde hair and blind eyes. Preferably with headphones on if outside or in her room.
      2. Shadow figures of a girl and two guys (one guy has a diamond earring)- The reason for not drawing them out like Chanel is because she doesn’t know how they look like.
        1. example: http://comps.canstockphoto.com/can-stock-photo_csp6986050.jpg shadow
      3. Please try to keep minimal of white background. Have them be outside or inside a bowling alley. Be creative and have fun.

 

Prizes:

The winner will be named as the illustrator for the novel and will appear as the illustrator on Amazon, Goodreads and on other sites.

The winner will have a profile section on my website. See what I did for Deity’s Soulmate at Illustrator and Editors for Deity’s Soulmate

There will be a blog entry on Word Press about the winner and the book cover itself. Will also be twitted about.

A free printed copy of the novella and a thank you card.

Coming Soon: Seven Hours

1

Hi Everyone!

I am happy to share some good news with you. My first novella, Seven Hours, will be published through Createspace on August 1, 2016. At the moment, it is with an editor for proofreading and then it will be ready for publication.If you would like to receive an ARC, let me know, I will be happy to share it with you for an honest review. Even better, if you provide a quote and I’ll add it into the novel in the first pages.

Synopsis:

One pill every 7 hours, could give Chanel the chance to finally see the world around her. Chanel is a independent nineteen year old, despite what her overprotective mother and senator father may think. Being the daughter of a senator comes with it’s own problems, a simple afternoon out with friends soon becomes overwhelming when reporters swarm around Chanel.

Keeping her secret of the effects pills close to her chest she is able to fool everyone, expect  for her hawk eye bodyguard that has now been assigned to protect her.
Chanel doesn’t want a bodyguard, but will she get more than she bargained for?

Scene Structure: Draft

Hi everyone,

I started thinking about writing and publishing a novella. Before I will start though, I want to talk about scene structure and what goes inside. Please provide feedback and let me know how you create scene structures yourself.

Thank you!


This slideshow requires JavaScript.